Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
