Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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