My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
