Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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