Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
