ugly people sure do ruin things
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
