So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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