I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
