I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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