she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
