I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
