Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
