I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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