he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize