This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
