Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
