I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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