i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
