I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
