she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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