no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
