Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
