I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
