so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
