Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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