Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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