This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
