Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
