After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just googled if crying burns calories
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
