spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
