Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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