Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
