she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
