My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
