Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
