what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Boobs are out for the taking
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
