Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize