I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize