U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
