I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
