Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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