she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
