people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
