Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
