dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize