Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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