Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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