my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
how drunk are you?
Several
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
