If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
