I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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