fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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