im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
