she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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