I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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