her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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