I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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