I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
