i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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