worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
