That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize