I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
