its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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