I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My balls are so social today.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
