glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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