Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize