Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
