I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
