he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Im part way to drunk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize