if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
